Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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