He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
