So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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