she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
