Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
