TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
