Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
