i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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