the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
