Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
