I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
