you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
