Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
