3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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