I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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