I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
