Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
