I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
