The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
