There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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