Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
