Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
