If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
