do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
