scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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