'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He kissed a someone with a penis
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
