Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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