btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
