The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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