my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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