The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
