Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
