Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
