we're chasing vodka with high fives
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
