i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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