Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
