so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
