You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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