You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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