so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
