I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
