You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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