Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize