Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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