its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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