3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
