i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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