I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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