i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
