Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
