I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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