Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
