Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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