The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
