just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
