He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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