the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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