i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
