You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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