In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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