Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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