thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
