I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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