I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
