I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
